I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
