Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
