I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
