dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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