Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
