Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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