My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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