Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
