Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
