youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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