I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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