well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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