i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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