It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
