Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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