The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
