Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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