Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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