do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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