just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
