Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
