this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
