I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
