4 words: hood of his car
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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