i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im drinking this country out of the recession.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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