Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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