I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
