yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
