I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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