my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
