Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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