she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
