I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
