I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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