she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
