hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
