I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
