I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
