Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
