At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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