mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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