If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
