he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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