hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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