Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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