Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
