There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your cock deserves a montage
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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