I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
