There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
