i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
