The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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