i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
