btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize