nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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