youre lurking in front of me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
