i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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