Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
