Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
