sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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