So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
