Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
