Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
