How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
