Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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