so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
