The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
