Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
