I think my fart just growled at me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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