i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
