i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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