You smell like stripper and shame
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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