umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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