I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
