he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
