wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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