I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This girl is more easily done than said...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
