that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
