I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
