We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
